Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
