She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
