the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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