I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
