Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
