if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
