I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
