he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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