I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
