She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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