Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
