thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
