Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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