My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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