Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
