my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
