i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
