This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize