did you get engaged???
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
