if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize