o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
