I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
