Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
