from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
