Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
