i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize