I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
