my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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