I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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