So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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