Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
