I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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