If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
