we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
