If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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