if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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