How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have demons in me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
