I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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