Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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