i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
