even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
