how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
