Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
