We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
