As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so let's talk penis.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
