Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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