Where did you get a picture of my penis
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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