nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
