I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
