There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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