I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize