drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
