Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
