I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm passing your future prison.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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