Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
