hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
