4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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