Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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