ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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