I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
