Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize