I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize