My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
