You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize