Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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