the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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