Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
