I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
