wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
