Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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