you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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