oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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