All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
