mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
