HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
