If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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