they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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