my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have post one night stand depression
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