im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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