He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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