Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
