i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
