Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
