I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
