Where is the hickey?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's the barista slut.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
