she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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