I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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