Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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