just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
