By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i now understand why vodka
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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