oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
