I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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