2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
