there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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