Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize