who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
