My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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