So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
