What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
