it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
